SUCCESS

Everytime I go to the doctor I feel like I am going to confess my medical "sins"


as you can tell I was brought up Catholic


I got everything on my list of things to do accomplished and I am on a healthy road to recovery.

I am able to care for myself :D

it is such a yummy feeling.

If I were smart I'd be trying to feel like this errrday

I feel like a psychotherapist would be beneficial for me.

I don't really want to take a pill to make my problems go away. I really think that if I just Talk  about my feelings I can work through them.... rocket science I know

Ironic: I am studying clinical psychology so I can help others but im slowly learning I cannot take care of others until I can take care of myself.

Take care of your temple <3 we only have one.

Until next time c: 

anxiety to the max

I feel the waves of fear, stomach churning, and skepticism all over me today.

I'm going to the drs today

Not even a specialist. My primary

 

Goals:

• Referral to new neurologist- I haven't been in some time. I am nervous that my epilepsy has gotten worse. I'm sure I would've have been having more seizures but, I feel like you truly never know!
• Ask for the name of a recommended gynecologist. Makes me extremely anxious! I am 24 and have never been to one. I have some type of weird phobia about people looking at my most privatest places. It is an important bridge to cross because my mother has just gotten diagnosed with breast cancer.... I am scared.
• New prescription for my hormones

Finally and probably the one that will help me the most: referral to a psychiatrist. Anxiety has stopped me from being able to take care of myself

 

I have been known to make a thousand and one excuses as to why I do not take my medicines, keep my appointments, or simply routine visits.

 

ANXIETY overwhelming  ANXIETY

 

My family thinks I'm being absurd.

 

Ive been sick my entire life. Taking thyroid pills since before I can remember.

 

Hopefully today goes good. Taking my mom with me to guarantee I do not cancel at the last minute.

 

 

 

It has been known to happen too.

 

Any thoughts on phobias of doctors?



its a miracle in San Diego

I have been anti medicine for soooooo long. Against better judgment I may add.

Yesterday I was a good girl and took all the medicine I was supposed to.  seriously I don't do that.


I woke up this morning feeling wonderful! I was not tired or groggy. I didn't wake up hating life or having to peel myself out of bed. Damn. I'm a little upset that my medication works.

This means I need them. Legitimate need.


Its nice being active, thinking clearly and not to mention actually pooping again. That's always nice. Sorry for the TMI  but its a real thing.

not medicating.... self inflicted

What an uphill battle.... I am always one to put my health on the back burner.

I seem to always find an excuse to not be consistent with my pills. Only until I find myself in deep trouble.

Noticing a lot of my hair falling out of my head. Kind of alarming. I guess I will start taking my thyroid replacement again.

I can't figure myself out. I love to take care of others. But how can I do that if I cannot take care of myself.

Dealing with my doctors gives me such anxiety I can't handle it......

The same old same old ensues each time. "your not taking your pills?"


Me: "no, I haven't "

Dr: "you know its not good to skip your pills"

Yes I know I'm being self destructive... I need to figure out what's stopping me from taking care of myself

Physiology

Is anyone else out there naturally interested in how their body works?


Specifically how we interpret stimuli or lack of.


Psychology has always been a passion of mine and it is a growth from Physiology. I have always been SUPER curious about if the way I feel a touch or smell a smell is the same for every person or to what degree we perceive them differently.


My husband says I am a quack for thinking such things. Is no one else out there interested in such ideas.


Because of all of my health problems I have become so strangely in touch with my body and how I feel. I guess not everyone listens to what their body has to say.


Sometimes I like to touch my arm and really focus on if the sensation I am feeling is coming from my arm being touched or from my fingertips.


The human body is a truly wonderful thing and I would have loved to be alive in the time when they were experimenting and trying to figure it all out. I bet I could have made some neat discoveries. Too bad I wasn't in Germany or a man since those were the only people making such strives.


Tell me what you think. Are you feeling your arm being gently tickled or your fingertips feeling you arm hair. Try touching your arm with something else to feel the difference. I do this sort of thing ALL the time. That's not weird right?

Good days are upon me

Glory be!! I have finally found my nitch and have gotten the hang of all these pills and ailments. Since my last post I have epilepsy to now add to my list of concerns. >.< great just what I need.


But that's alright. I am beginning to fall in my new routine.. its not perfect by any means. But don't tell my husband that. He thinks I take them EVERDAY when im supposed to. I wont lie to you all I don't but I do feel guilty when I miss or am too lazy to get back out of bed to do what im supposed to.


I feel like I have to lie to him sometimes. It really does save an unnecessary fight.


YES. I know I'm supposed to take them
YES  I know its my responsibility
YES  It is my choice if I want to take them or not


Choice... what a funny word. I never got a choice for a lot of these things: medication, dr appts, health conditions.


When I do not take my medicine I feel like it's the only real choice I can make.

Choice = Power


I have felt no worse feeling in this lifetime then being powerless. helpless. and scared
Only referred to in my life as the dark days. It wasn't one time period. They still come and go but I will continue to grow and become strong.


My heart still ticks and I have something worth fighting for

new on the scene

I wanted to make this blog to share my life.

    Its terrifying, beautiful, heartbreaking, and incomplete.

What make me interesting:

Cancer survivor,

medicated,

 vegetarian,

 epileptic,

 married

I am a 22 year old survivor and nothing can
                                          bring
                                              me
                                                d
                                                 o
                                                  w
                                                   n


I've realized my life depends on pills, not a good feeling to have. I take 13 pills a day. Not as many as some people I know but still a lot when your health hinges on these nubs you have to swallow. I have a sense of appreciation for modern medicine in the matter of I would not be alive if not for them. Natural selection is not unapplicable. Science can make sickness live forever! yay in my case. I wouldn't have been with my wonderful husband or made a happy life for us.

Anywho I've always thought I have interesting thoughts in my head and lead an exciting life: unemployed.


Things to look forward to:

my failing health, my cute dog, crafts, rants of medicine